I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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