Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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