I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
