She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
