She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
