cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
