I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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