so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
