I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
