i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
