he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They took my balls.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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