benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
