Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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