he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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