Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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