a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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