Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
