He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
