I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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