Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
