I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and she was petting her beer can
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
