Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
