Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
