I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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