I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
