i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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