we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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