So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
