Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
