Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
