i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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