I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
