Your tits are I can't wait for
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
