dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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