She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
