You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
