Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
