Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
