if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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