I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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