just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
