Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
