I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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