The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
