I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
