you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
