I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.