break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.