On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
