A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
