I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
