my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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