You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
