We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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