Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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