Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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