he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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