filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
