my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
