Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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