Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
