dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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