Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
