We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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