i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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