You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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