Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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