Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize