Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
