k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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