Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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