I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
