if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
