Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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