if you like me you must not know who I am
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
